Sun Worshiper
A little girl runs over the hot sand,
She throws herself into the cool water
And rides the pounding waves back into shore.
A middle-aged lady finds a small lump on her back,
She sits in the sterile doctor’s office
And leaves with eight stitches.
‘The biopsy is positive I’m afraid, too much time in the sun.’
A little girl runs over the hot sand,
She throws herself into the cool water
And rides the pounding waves back into shore.
A middle-aged lady finds a small lump on her back,
She sits in the sterile doctor’s office
And leaves with eight stitches.
‘The biopsy is positive I’m afraid, too much time in the sun.’
It takes some courage to let people read your work for the first time. Congrats on jumping in! You nailed the form. Even the verbs you used contrast between the stanzas: active/passive. The connection between the stanzas is clear. I kinda wish the last line didn’t take us away from the girl/lady, but I like that you introduced the doctor in line 5. Could we see another glimpse of her?
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the YeahWrite community! I'm a bit of a novice when it comes to poetry, so I can't really talk about the form itself. But I can say that this was a complete story. I loved the cheery start, to the worrisome middle, and downright horrifying conclusion. You did a wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteNicely done. The last line ties it all together and I was left with such a feeling of sadness about how things we love can actually hurt us!
ReplyDeleteOh!
ReplyDelete